MUSINGS

Today a random guys on the bus told meI was absolutely stunning. I don't think I've ever been called that before (albeit he was a little bit deranged looking).

I wish for so many things.

Mostly things that I can never change.

Sometimes people are just too difficult for me.
No matter what I do it's never good enough for people who are closest to me.
And I guess that's mostly true.

Who wants close when you can have acquantainces right?
Who wants people?

I wish I could speak the things I so "eloquently" put into writing.
This sucks.

WHAT DO I BLOG ABOUT NOW

My mind's pretty scattered right now. Lots of jumbled thoughts with no way to connect them.

Been feeling just tired. Too much work definitely.
Need to remind myself how awesome God has been to me this year.
I wish I had a bigger capacity to love others and not be so selfish.
I try but it's hard.

Some things are too private to write here, but I have no way of getting it of my chest.
And no mental capacity to do cryptic posts.

Is anyone still reading?

I forgot that I love stringing sentences together.
Make tangible; ideas that are abstract.

Running around like we just don't care. That just popped into my mind. Must be from a song.

You know what, project 101 needs to continue.

Run around like we just don't care.

Jay Mie asked if I had any special requirements: I said lots of love, hugs and smiles.

Run around like we just don't care.

Human beings are .... difficult.

I see that mostly in myself.

I'm stubborn.

Selfish.

Hate to be told I'm wrong.

Cocky at times.

Self depreciating which I often mistake as humility.

Argggghh..humans are so difficult!

Pictures just because!



They've opened up a bit more now.



<3 Breezy Bar


Cupcakes for my birthday



Me with lollipops and freddos

THE BLAME GAME

It's human nature.
When something happens, blame someone/something else.
When relationships fail, blame the other party, the situation, the institution, the environment.

Adam did it.
Eve did it.

It's never me, never my fault. The women made me do it. The snake made me do it.

I build walls, I build fences but yet I'm upset that noone tries to break down those walls.
I sin , I'm selfish and yet it's always the other person's fault for not looking past that.
I'm proud and arrogant and yet someone else is the one that's not good enough for me.
I cover up so that people don't see me and yet it's them who doesn't accept me for me.

It's way easier to blame people for MY flaws, my faults and my unwillingness to make an effort.


It always takes two hand to clap.


Maybe its an Asian thing to want to save face.
Save from being rejected before people actually reject you.
Protect yourself before people actually attack you.
Speculate how people will behave and react in the way that is most suitable.

That all screams



CONFORM.



Be like EVERYONE ELSE.


And then in the end...

when we find that we've lost ourselves..

and there's no one else to blame...

we blame God.

And I quote casting crowns again

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

RANDOM

But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ

Phil 3 : 7-8

Sometimes I know that I love the world too much to be effective for Christ.
Always learnt back home that we should be in the world but not of the world.
But where's the line and who sets the boundaries before you decide that you're of the world?

Was talking to Branda about church back at home.
And...yeah.....so many thoughts but should keep them all to myself.
Just those words from the heart really, really made my day or night. Thanks Branda for that =)

It is easiest to hurt the people who love you the most.




Loving anything or anyone is a risk.


Why are all good fruits so difficult to bear?

PULLING BACK

Now I wish i could put my hand into cyber space
And extract that which I sent out yesterday.

I say perfection is overrated but I want perfection.

Am I just trying to deceive myself into thinking that perfection is attainable on my own?
Or am I just making excuses for my imperfection?
I've always been attracted to the idea of perfection. (But I'm not a perfectionist though)


Mainly because I am imperfect no matter how much I wish I weren't.

My uni work has been so bad it's not funny. Let's not talk about perfection here.
It's just been below AVERAGE.
My work shall not be below average anymore. Wasting too much time.
My serving in FOCUS shall not be below average anymore.

I'm just too self centred all the time, thank God it's coming back to me.
I need to call home more.
I need to make calls that i've promised to make.
I need to produce work that is good.
I need to sleep well and exercise more.


Thank God that love is perfect isn't it? ( no, not BGR love)
Agape love.

I think that's why I'm a Christian. I'm imperfect.
And I can't help myself.
I really can't.