BELATED CHRISTMAS POST

Christmas was one big family gathering.
Lots of noise, people and FOOD.
FOOD FOOD FOOD.


Well I was at Penang after all.

Met up with Daniel. Haven't seen him since I left Tawau.
Also bumped into Ping Yin in the airport. That was totally random.

Year ends coming up.
2008 is just around the corner.
I should learn to dance with it.


=)

Hope everyone had an awesome Christmas.
Need reminders that Christmas isn't just a holiday or an excuse for fun and parties.


Christmas isn't Christmas till it happens in your heart.

I have a distorted perception of perfection.


I'm sick and tired of not knowing and not caring.
And yet at other times I'm sick and tired of knowing and caring.

I'm tired of wanting things I don't need.
I'm tired of needing to do things that I don't want to do.


Sometimes things are just so unclear.

I wish you weren't so far away.

I wish I could remain in Malaysia longer.

HOME

I miss regular bible study + fellowship time ( FOCUS).
An hour a day on the phone is far from enough.

Apart from that, homes good.
Getting more than enough sleep. =)
Laundry magically gets done. Food is always on the table.
I've been more up to date on Hollywood gossip than ever ( thanks to the new E channel on Astro).
Weather's been awesome. Not too hot at all.

Results were better than expected. Thank God for that.

And, yes I have lost the whole blogging bug.
Maybe it's because I'm less emo now.
Emo people make better bloggers.

Just chanced upon the story of Amy Richards.

Selective reduction. That's what she did.
She refused to be on the pill and consequently got pregnant.
Which would have be fine except that she found out she had triplets.
And then, very calmly, chose to kill two out of three of the fetuses.

This story is so twisted it makes me sick.
Three heart beats becoming one. For the convenience of one irresponsible woman and her partner.
And she labels herself as 'feminist' and pro choice.

Human beings are sick.

When is abortion alright?
And why is it when someone does something as cold-blooded as murder ( i think selective reduction is just a more fancy name), they are labeled as pro choice.
Pro choice my foot.
I think the manner in which she talked about the abortion just turned me off.

My immediate response was, I cannot have triplets. I was not married; I lived in a five-story walk-up in the East Village; I worked freelance; and I would have to go on bed rest in March. I lecture at colleges, and my biggest months are March and April. I would have to give up my main income for the rest of the year. There was a part of me that was sure I could work around that. But it was a matter of, Do I want to?


My opinion : Simply a coward who doesn't dare to take responsibility for the consequences of her mistakes.

FOCUS 2007

I'm leaving Bara in about 3 hours.

Goodbye room 310.

Feeling a bit.. nostalgic.
I'm glad this year is over actually.
I need a new start.

Mixed feelings.


FOCUS 2007
The group as a whole will be missed.
The guys brought about a different atmostphere to the group and it's going to be different without them.
Josh- the dare devil, musician,black fingernails, arguments about the English language, one two three fah....
James - lame jokes, poking fun at everyone, teaching bad korean phrases, sociable, fun
Lake - gentle spirit, sensitive soul, polite, soft, very kind, willing to listen and talk about everything

TELL ME TELL ME !
They'll be missed.
Not forgetting steve who although only came for a semester but was very much part of the group.


But looking foward for FOCUS 2008, new people, new dynamics.
It's going to be good.


And good bye room 310. =(
You're a wreck and I pity your next owner.

WORTHY GOALS

To be different in a world that screams...

"BE THE SAME"

To love back when people ....

"SLAP YOU IN THE FACE"

To be patient and endure when it seems like..

" IT'S NEVER GONNA HAPPEN"

To hold on to things that are true when others are saying

" IT'S ALL THE SAME"

To not stop praying that ....

" HE WILL RETURN"

To be satisfied and safe in that ...

" ONE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE"

To stop craving, wanting , hoping

" FOR MATERIAL GAIN"

But instead to keep wanting , hoping and craving,

"FOR FAITH, FRUITS AND GIFTS OF THE SPIRIT.

To have a change in response, you first need to have a change in persepctive.

We're all in the same side battling the same forces, with one head general.

And know what, we've already won.

RANDOMNESS AND EMONESS

Yes, I panic easily. I stress out. I worry needlessly but I'm not kidding when I say I totally BLEW my clinical 2 paper.

I've never walked out from an exam hall feeling that way.
I could have just cried during the paper ( it would have been funny to see the examiners reaction if I did start crying).
And after the paper. Didn't what was going through my head. Just wanted to forget about it.
But I couldn't, I kept counting marks up in my head.

And the scariest part was I couldn't reach 50.

I know that feeling.


I CAN'T FAIL THIS PAPER.
I need to extend an entire year. That's just not possible. Failing is NOT AN OPTION.

But .....

sometimes....

things happens for a reason....



Emo is an excuse for not controlling my emotions.
Emo is an excuse for not knowing why I feel the way I feel.
Emo is just an excuse the world gives to someone who is plain CRANKY.

Yes, I'm just plain cranky.

WHATEVER.
It's sunday.
And I need to study.


And something happy to end with.

Dene has a BABY BOYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Simeon, myself and jess.

Welcome to this world.
With parents like Dene and Rachel, he's gonna turn out to be amazing. =)

LIGHT BULB MOMENT 2

Light bulb moment : HERE

I think I screwed up my clinical paper. =(
I'm not kidding.
Not in the mood for anything else.

" TING! "

Light bulb moment.

Dying to write it down.

But will have to wait till after clinical paper today.

Tomorrow.

I wish it were over over over over over.

THE BLAME GAME

It's human nature.
When something happens, blame someone/something else.
When relationships fail, blame the other party, the situation, the institution, the environment.

Adam did it.
Eve did it.

It's never me, never my fault. The women made me do it. The snake made me do it.

I build walls, I build fences but yet I'm upset that noone tries to break down those walls.
I sin , I'm selfish and yet it's always the other person's fault for not looking past that.
I'm proud and arrogant and yet someone else is the one that's not good enough for me.
I cover up so that people don't see me and yet it's them who doesn't accept me for me.

It's way easier to blame people for MY flaws, my faults and my unwillingness to make an effort.


It always takes two hand to clap.


Maybe its an Asian thing to want to save face.
Save from being rejected before people actually reject you.
Protect yourself before people actually attack you.
Speculate how people will behave and react in the way that is most suitable.

That all screams



CONFORM.



Be like EVERYONE ELSE.


And then in the end...

when we find that we've lost ourselves..

and there's no one else to blame...

we blame God.

And I quote casting crowns again

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

RANDOM

yes.....

I'm distracted...but i've been here since 8 am.
Bleuurrggghhh...
I'm allowed to blog.

What's on my mind now?

The conversation between the shooting star buddy and emmerie about pees and poos in church yesterday.
And Ruth's face when they asked here whether she did 'that'.

I'm giggling like an idiot to myself right now.

The things people in FOCUS say.

What would I do for entertainment with them?

=)

" In the end it'll be okay, if it's not okay, it's not the end"

Inspired by poetry on the toilet wall...

I thought that summed up yesterday's sermon, God has ALREADY done all the hard work.
In the END it WILL be okay.

The suns coming out again. Took long enough.

MISSING THEM

All of sudden, I miss you guys.

And the cam whore.

CASTING CROWNS

I must say again how much I love casting crowns.

Their lyrics ask you questions that many, many christian songs never even dare scratch the surface off.

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Stain Glass Masquerade

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even knows she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

Does anybody hear her?

So maybe this time
I'll speak the words of life
With Your fire in my eyes
But that old familiar fear
is tearin' at my words
What am I so afraid of?
'Cause here I go again
Talkin' 'bout the rain
And mullin' over things
that won't live past today
And as I dance around the truth
Time is not his friend
This might be my last chance
to tell him that You love Him

Here I go again

But if we are the Body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching
And if we are the Body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them there is a way
There is a way

But if we are the body

Tentative plan for the rest of the days up till 20th.

Sleep, eat, study, sleep summore, go toilet and study some more.

I shall not complain. =(

IF I COULD THROW A COW AT SOMEONE ( FACEBOOK STYLE),

I'll throw it at my neighbour ( sigh, I'm cranky, excuse me).
I haven't been able to sleep.
I don't know what they're doing in the middle of the night, cooking or washing or something.
3 nights in a row.
I need to sleep.



I'm cranky.

The flies irritate me. I wish they'd all go away.
I forgot my earphones and I can't study.
I've been surviving on bread, peanut butter, jam, coffee and hungry jacks.
I'm craving for some SUSHI but I'm too lazy to make it.


I'm just cranky.
Don't step on my tail.

Chantal is a sweetheart.=)
Reduced my crankiness by offering coffee therapy.

MUSIC

Distracted, distracted, study study.
Been listening to mandy moore and she's really a pretty good singer.



Her voice is really, really sweet.
Am glad she didn't go down the Britney way.

She's come a long way since candy.

YOU

I'm hungry.

This is quite......uncharacteristic of me but whatever.

AMERICAN DREAM

Starting to like casting crowns a whole lot.
Check out the lyrics to the this song.

Slash out the American and put in any other developed/ developing country.

“American Dream”

All work no play may have made Jack a dull boy
But all work no God has left Jack with a lost soul
But he's moving on full steam
He's chasing the American dream
And he's gonna give his family finer things

“Not this time son I've no time to waste
Maybe tomorrow we'll have time to play”
And then he slips into his new BMW
And drives farther and farther and farther away

Cause he works all day and tries to sleep at night
He says things will get better;
Better in time


So he works and he builds with his own two hands
And he pours all he has in a castle made with sand
But the wind and the rain are comin' crashing in
Time will tell just how long his kingdom stands
His kingdom stands

Well his American Dream is beginning to seem
More and more like a nightmare
With every passing day
"Daddy, can you come to my game?"
"Oh Baby, please don't work late."
Another wasted weekend
And they are slipping away

'Cause he works all day and lies awake at night
He tells them things are getting better
Just take a little more time


So he works and he builds with his own two hands
And he pours all he has in a castle made with sand
But the wind and the rain are comin' crashing in
Time will tell just how long his kingdom stands
His kingdom stands

He used to say, "Whoever dies with the most toys wins"
But if he loses his soul, what has he gained in the end
I'll take a shack on the rock
Over a castle in the sand

Now he works all day and cries alone at night
It's not getting any better
Looks like he's running out of time

'Cause he worked and he built with his own two hands
And he poured all he had in a castle made with sand
But the wind and the rain are coming crashing in
Time will tell just how long his kingdom stands
His kingdom stands

All they really wanted was you

POINTS TO PONDER

I guess its true.

The less you expect, the less likely you are to get disappointed.
The less likely you are to be disappointed, the more chances you are to be happy.

Maybe that's the key idea to being happy.....expect little from people. Because they'll always disappoint you. Just like you'll always disappoint them.

We are after all seeds of Abraham = faithless.

Oh, and have you all heard?
Dumbledore is gay.
That's distrubing.

SLEEP = GOOD

Some more I thought I left FOCUS early. Like that also eleven d.

Not enuf sleep = no good= cranky = bad bad.

Sleep or do assignment or blog and procrastinate?

Yawn.

Sleep. Decided. Or maybe a bit of work first.

The shooting star buddy passed an interesting idea by me.
People emo when no one asks them why they not emo-ing.


Sounds contradictory.
Like eat finish rice nothing to do.

But that simply means people want to be cared about.

That's basically just IT.

BIG FISH

TMY says:
remember

TMY says:
when you meet the love of your life

TMY says:
time

TMY says:
stops.

TMY says:
and that's true.

3 years post Sunway, and you still say the same thing.

锡凌 ~serene~ ' says:
wats the cheesy part after that?

TMY says:
what they don't tell you is that when time starts moving again, it moves extra fast to catch up

PANIC

Pure, unadulterated panic.

Is when you open the folder where your assignment is supposed to be.

And can't find the entire assignment.
And it's not any plain ol' 10% assignment.

It's a massive 35%, 25 pages, due on Wednesday assignment.
And you took lots and lots of time to do it. (okay maybe not lots, but at least a week or so)


And the worst part is, you didn't save it anywhere else.

And you can't FIND it in the folder where you saved it in.

That my friends is pure unadulterated panic.


Moral of this story is always save your work on both your pen drive and your computer.


ps: found it another folder, but that's not the point, the point was that feeling of.....helplessness...

PROCRASTINATION PICTURE POST

#1: A picture of you making a peace sign


coffee night in AIC

Is this picture in colour? yeap
Are your nails painted in the picture? Nope


#2 : A picture of you with a friend


funny, self timer-failed shot, christina was still setting up her camera i think.

Who are you with?step-hen


#3 : A picture of you in a weird/random place






Where were you? don't know if this is a weird place, but there's waterfall showers behind
Who took the picture of you? a kuella


#4 : A picture of you in black and white



Did you edit this picture in black and white or did you take it like that? taken like that, don't have many black and white pics
Do you like black and white or coloured pictures better? coloured


#6 : A picture of you with your hair up



hehe..weird look

Do you like your hair up? no


#7 : A picture of you with a weird face




haha..=p more like upset face..
during texas holdem..
my cards...not very good

Is your face more funny or straight up scary? wellll......

#8 : A picture of you wearin a black coloured shirt


with im im in sunway pyramid


#9 : A picture of you wearing a red coloured shirt




Hunter valley, with Jess.

#10 : A picture of you wearing a green coloured shirt


I have not many green shirts.
Don't know where I got this random one.
From the year in taylors...
Early last year..

It's for me to know.
And for whoever who wants to find out to find out.

This is it then.

YOU ARE MY ROCK

You are my Rock - Hillsong London

There's a voice in the silence
Piercing the darkness of my own selfish soul
There's a cry deep within me
A yearning to feel You, I look to You Lord

I can't pretend I don't run from
The feelings I'm trying to hide
Must get the focus off me and my problems
I look to the cross

You are my rock, on You I stand
Safe from the storms that surround me
You're my only rock, in You I can
Don't have to rely on my own strength

Wish I didn't forfeit the right. Now I see the consequences. Of not being able to reach out to you. Do I stick out my neck and risk it being chopped off?

It's not easy to love someone. Liking someone for their personality is way easy but to love, to go out of the way, not out of convenience but I give up me for you because I love you very much love goes against the very core of our nature. Human nature is selfishness.

And yet at the same time, we were made in God's image, and God is love.
So we desire love, we want to give love, and yet human nature creeps in and it's all about me again.
It's like we're torn, on opposite sides because how can selfishness and love coexist, that's precisely the point they can't.
And when you make the decision to completely love , 'me' goes out of the picture.
We want to forgive and yet at the same time we can't let go of the fear of being hurt again.
It does take complete letting go of the world to be secure enough to completely put other first.


I can't believe I got upt at 3.30am to blog. =p


And you encourage me. Different spirit. Childlike faith. Obedience. Simply put - you love God.
I'm glad you're in my life.
Because having you around shows me how much God can work in someone.

SHOUT GOD'S FAME

Currently listening to Hillsong London - Shout God's fame

Nostalgia.
Still remember how I felt when I sang those songs back in CHC.
And it's stirring up those emotions again.


Still singing those songs Lord.

But they mean different things to me now.

What's changed from 3 years back?
That was the question you asked me.
And I thought about it. What's changed?

I no longer believe that I can change the world.
I realise I want the same things that everyone else wants. Security, financial stability, family.
I talk much more ( way too much). Sometimes I just want to sink into silence but it's hard to do it without people asking you why you're moody because they've just gotten used to you being noisy.
I know my security is misplaced.
I see mountains that can't be moved.

I see in gray as opposed to black and white.

Christianity is really a lifestyle. Not a religion.

I know I'm so blessed it's crazy.

Let me somehow, someway. I don't know.

Going for dim sum tomorrow.
Going up mount dandenong.
Good dinner at TGI.

Pressure from the brother to do well.
Can't be slacking anymore.

Do it.

Sushi.
Spicy korean dinner.
tiramisu coffee.

I see life in colour don't you?

Okay, no more blogging and msn for a while.

FROM MELBS

Being away has been awesome.
Just time of chilling, being alone, reading and being safe from much communication.


Not proud of the many character flaws I see in myself. But at least it's clear.
Like pimples on a smooth skin.
And when it's clear, then it's easier to treat I guess.

Currently reading Philip Yancey's : what's so amazing about grace?
Interesting read. Interesting concept, not new. But worded so well.
Kinda thought this book would be about God's grace for us but instead it's about Christian grace or rather the lack of it in the church.

" The world can do almost anything as well as or better than the church. You need not be a Christian to build houses, feed the hungry or heal the sick. There is only one thing the world can't do. It cannot offer grace."
" We breathe in the atmosphere of ungrace unaware. Every institution runs on ungrace and its insistence that we earn our way."
" For many, romantic love is the closest experience of pure grace. Someone at last feels that I- I!- am the most desirable , attractive, companionable creature on the planet.... Someone loves me just the way I am."

Hmmm........

So much to think about.
So much to learn.




Missing monday nights FOCUS already ( and the FOCUS ppl)
Missing AIC at night ( such a geek).
Missing surinder's lectures.
Missing the room ( and the roomie =p)
Missing my samurai. =p


" And then along come a movie like Forrest Gump, about a kid with a low IQ who speaks in platitudes handed down from his mother. This dimwit rescues his buddies in Vietnam, remains faithful to his girl Jenny despite her infidelity, stays true to himself and his child, and lives as though he genuinely does not know he is the butt of every joke. A magical scene of a feather opens and ends the movie- a note of grace so light no one knows where it might land. Many thought it naive, ridiculous, manipulative. Others, however, saw in it a rumour of grace that made a sharp relief against the violent ungrace of Pulp Fiction."

And Forrest Gump is my new hero.
A breathe of grace in a world full of ungrace.

Just change me because there's so much about me that needs changing.

HOUSE ADDICTION BACK

You see skinny, socially privileged white people get to draw this neat little circle.
And everyone inside the circle is normal, everyone outside this circle should be beaten, broken and reset so that they be brought into the circle, failing that they should be institutionalised or worse pitied.

Why would you feel sorry for someone who gets to opt out of the inane, courteous formalities which are utterly meaningless, insincere and therefore degrading.
Imagine how liberating it would be to live a life free of all of the mind numbing social niceties.
I don't pity this kid, I envy him.

Dr Gregory House

Am tired but want to drop random bits + pieces before I forget. I'm such a blogger.

FOCUS = camp = discovering how hard it is to be part of a BODY. How to put others first. it's hard because I'm so selfish.
Discovered that it's continously thinking about others FIRST.
And what we do as an individual, how we treat different parts of the body, reflects on our God.
Discovered how beautfiul christian people are. And how much more they need to be loved because it is hard.
Got teased. Can't help it my voice is this way.
Discovered a shooting star, emo buddy. =) "Shout out to Dave".
Lots of fun and laughter.
Branda = target for misfortune again. lol. we love you even though we keep huting you. =p

Healing and restoration with you. =) BIG HUGS! i know more time.....but thanks.

Sydney- so much food.
sushi, yam milk tea, cakes, spanish restaurant, coffee..too much..food..
neoprints, haircut, lots of walking up and down and getting lost
missing trains
the pink rose that never blossomed..... will it blossom this time?


Christina's gone. =( will miss you.

I don't know how this is all going to work out.

Oh God.

Let this not burn all of us again. Sigh.

If it does, nothing will ever be repaired again.
And it will hurt.
Like mad.
Sigh.

BACK FROM THE FLU

13 hours and more of sleep and I'm feeling better again. =)
Thank God ( and the flu medication from the roomie) for sleep. Haven't had such a deep slumber for quite a while. It felt goooood...like eric would put it mm mmm mmm..

Had a long chat with Dene on Tuesday and it really helped me work through stuff.
Heard so much and found out how difficult it is to be dealing with us, international students.
We are a bunch of trouble, we are.
A conversation we had on tuesday night about how most church workers/ leaders always had some kind of terrible past ( ie : abuse/ drugs/etc).
I don't think Dene had this kind of past and yet he is the most powerful testimony around.
Knowing that he didn't go through what we term as 'terrible past' , but also struggled through sins like many of us and eventually managed to truly find God and live a life that impacts people is more inspiring than a terrible past
Sometimes we need lives the resonate with ours for it to be more significant and truly powerful.
.
Random snippets from blogs around, if you recognise it, it's yours. =p

" separated by a distance through that your
outstretched arms desperately try to grasp
but only time will tell whether your desires end up
clutched snugly in your fists.

Sometimes you feel it's time to embrace what life has
on offer at the moment and just savor it innocently like a child

but at the back of your mind you know it's an inferno waiting to ignite
at the slightest of sparks and before you know it you're burnt down
and scorched to the ground.

It's all good if you maintain a safe distance for a little while more
but the whole situation just jumps at you like a pack of hungry wolves
demanding your fateful decision of fight or flight. "

" the best revenge is living well, as the cliche goes.

so no matter how my heart is breaking.. i will still put on a mask to the world. let everyone look at me. and know that i have not failed myself in the slightest.

and at the end of the day, crumble and cry in the arms of the people who truly love me, and will never ever judge."

" my heart goes out to those who are broken.
those who build walls for what they lacked outside the walls in the first place;
those who feels no love;
those who feels that they are never good enough;
those who need yet not seek."

"Your hearts are joined though your hands may not yet be."

" And so. Life goes on. It has been going on anyway. Not like I had much of a choice. But yup. Life goes on..

*Picks up red permanent marker*

*Draws smile on face*

.. with a smile :) "


Stil can't get my mail.
And into msn.
And facebook.
And blogger.
Luckily my temperamental phone seems to be fine again.

Luckily there's blogging from multiply.See there why you should always have a few blog addresses. =p

JUST KILL ME

Just kill me.
I can't sign in to blogger.
Can't sign in to msn.
Can't receive smses on my phone.

Just kill me.
Currently blogging from mutliply..
I wonder is it will cross post

RANDOM AGAIN

Happenings on the bus

- saw a lady with a shirt that said 'i have a black belt....in keeping it real.' She was carrying a small sponge bob square pants bag pack.
- got hit on by a 16 year old boy ' you don't look a day over 20'
- saw a helicopter landed in John Hunter and the medics rushing a man over the zebra crossing
- when you exclude the international students and kids under 10, i swear, 1 out 2 Newcastle-ians are morbidly obese.
- very nice bus drivers
- good looking asian dude =p
- a lady that looked like a man. i'm still not sure if she was a she or he.

Happenings in the shops
- you're so small, get xs. i'll never get sick of hearing that. haha. =)
- heard a Gary Barlow song that I kinda missed listening too.
- retail therapy....... =)



SO, HELP ME GIRL

you could have kissed me like this wasn't gonna last
kept me from saying something i'll never take back
you could have held me like there was no chance of me waking up where I am
you could have stopped short every dream I've ever had.

so help me girl, you've gone too far.
it's way too late to safe my heart.
they way it feels each time we touch
i know i've never been so loved.
and i can't help myself so help me girl.

you had to be there untill the sun came up.
making last night feel like a vision of things yet to come
you just had to hold me like nobody else.
look what you've gone and done.
you had to love me.
i just can't get enough.

Supposed to go to bed early again tonight. But couldn't fall asleep. So I thought I'd blog.
Really keeping to my promise of sleeping early every night.

Had a good catch up session over coffee and banana cake.
Regretted that we never had this chat much earlier in the year. =( We would have been able to plan many more of these sessions instead of squeezing in one last one before you leave Newie.
You're almost there, hang in there! =)

Dene's talk on Friday.

God is faithful. The part about taking time to get to know His faithfulness was something that didn't really click that night but kinda clicked as I kept thinking about it.

If God can be faithful through a man such as Abraham, He surely can be faithful through Jesus.

Men is faithless, God is faithful.

you love me even though I'm emo and sigh all the time =p. ( and I thank you for loving me)

but You love me even though i'm faithless all the time.

and it's time for me to discover Your faithfulness all over again.
because You sure have been faithful to me.
And everytime You are faithful, I am surprised. And I wonder why I'm always surprised.

When You have a proven track record.
Am jaded, lost all confidence in the flesh, and myself. You sustain me. Keep me clinging onto You.


Am currently addicted to a blog which shall be left unnamed for the moment.
He presents the best christian arguments I've read in a most matter of fact manner.

Haven't gotten addicted to facebook yet. Overrated? Rather blog surf. And when I say blog surf, I surf. I read everything out there. No wonder I stopped reading books.

There's decisions to be made once I come back from Melbs.

Things I decided on earlier but needed to reevaluate.

and for everything else...

i say


WHATEVER.

MAYBE I WILL

Maybe I should...

do things that I usually don't do.

sleep more. =p

read books that i don't usually read.

smile from my heart.

hang out with people that I don't usually hang out with.

try out new recipes.

be honest with myself.

catch an old movie.

detach myself.

pray more.

broaden my horizons.

do things on a whim.

take lots of camwhore pics.

cut out coffee from my life.

cut out junk food from my life.

call home everyday.

write long mails to people that truly matter.

spill out my deepest darkest secret.

read the bible daily.

cook myself wholesome meals.

sing, skip and jump.

step out of my comfort zone.

wake up early to catch the sunrise.

be guilt- free.

cut out "tumours" from my life.


Maybe I will.

I think i will.

NOTE TO SELF

NOTE TO SELF

This world's cruel.
DEAL WITH IT.

In the end, everything IS meaningless.
Nothing lasts.

Shall sleep off the effect of my caffiene toxicity.

TODAY

Dragged myself out of bed today.
Paid my uni fees.
$8000 gone and I'm here blogging.
I think I suffered from caffeine toxicity after Gloria Jeans.
Was working almost frantically the entire afternoon.
Too much caffeine is bad.
Had chips. =(
Suppose to meet up for bible reading but forgot my bible. Sigh..sorry.
Ended up getting distracted.


But today is still a good day.

Cos there's so much to be thankful for.

Sigh, I wish I were home.

NIGHT OF MY LIFE

I'm rediscovering Damien Leith.

Here we are,
Shooting stars,
Renting time in someone else's space

So unsure
Afraid to fall
I'm standing here
A little scared
But I don't care

'Cos this kind of moment, is only on loan and
I wanna remember the look in your eyes
When it's all over I want you to know that I was with you when I

Had the night of my life
The night of my life

So don't let go
You never know
Maybe your whole life's about to change

So let's hold on
Until it's gone
Nothing's made to last forever
Who knows whether

This kind of moment is only on loan and
Sometimes you don't know 'til it passes you by
And when it's all over I want you to know that I was with you when I
Had the night of my life

Maybe this whole thing comes right down to faith,
And every choice that we think that we make
Has put us right here together today
Today
Today

'Cos this kind of moment
Is only on loan and,
It won't be too long till it leaves us behind
And when it's all over I want you to know that I was with you when I
Had the night of my life,
The night of my life,
The night of my life

Weird things have been happening.

Weird weird weird.

Weird weird.

A POST FOR THE DUCKIES

" I just made things more complicated didn't I."

You sure did. But you made sense as well.
But there's not much use talking sense to me these days.

Sigh.

Funny we're talking about duckies and pregnancy so much these days.
Saw duckies today. Branda attracts duckies.
Jess is an AUNTY.

Good sushi and picnic today. Had fun dancing. Michelle is a good dancer. Thumbs up. Hehe.

Tonight was sleep early, do assignment, call home and talk for 1 hour day.

Talked to some ppl today, thus the distraction.
Been thinking about the institution, CHC and about stuff I guess.
Relying on the institution and the people too much?

Might sleep really early. Havin coffee now.
Stuck to my promise of having one cup a day.

Was a good night. =)
No institution. No people.
Just me. And my thoughts.

And no..I'm not emo.
Glad that I can say that. =)


And the duckies should stay in the pond
They'd be much happier there.

RANDOM

But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ

Phil 3 : 7-8

Sometimes I know that I love the world too much to be effective for Christ.
Always learnt back home that we should be in the world but not of the world.
But where's the line and who sets the boundaries before you decide that you're of the world?

Was talking to Branda about church back at home.
And...yeah.....so many thoughts but should keep them all to myself.
Just those words from the heart really, really made my day or night. Thanks Branda for that =)

It is easiest to hurt the people who love you the most.




Loving anything or anyone is a risk.


Why are all good fruits so difficult to bear?

LITTLE JOYS

FOCUS last night was great.
The bible discussion was really good.
1 Peter 3:18 - we discussed how difficult it was to just accept Jesus' death on the cross as what saves us and how often we want to prove that we're worth it. And justification santification propritiation redemption ( all big words)
Also discovered how much we need to be rescued which kinda covers the first part.

And the other group ( Jun Shi, Jess, Joyce, Branda + Dave) came up with a cool way to memorise the memory verse. A song with actions. Hehe. Very cute.

Josh ( and I watched) managed to put an electric kettle on the stove and we burnt a hole in it.
Poor dene. leaves us for one week and we wreck his kettle.
The kettle was actually on fire. Funny.

Branda's foot in thongs was an open target.
First got stubbed by Jun Shi, then Jonathon and then I spilt ice cream spilt on her foot. Haha.
Poor girl, I think she wouldn't dare to wear thongs/flip flops ( in case ppl misunderstand) to FOCUS anymore.

I realise the Australians are really generous with their praise.
Lish and Ruth thanked us for dinner and I think I seldom make it a point to tell the people who cooked that they did a good job. And Lake was cleaning up yesterday.
And Josh made all the coffee.
Jun Shi took the orders and made the Milo.
We gotta learn to appreciate all the small things people do I guess.
All the things that people do so that the othes can sit together and enjoy each other's company without worrying.

Lish is such a sweet heart. Was standing next to her and she just wrapped her hand around my waist and said I'll pray for you. I think she saw through the "I'm good and just busy with assignments" excuse.
Told her that it was unnecessary stress, lots of misunderstanding, anger, selfishness (mainly on my part) and having the poorest time management in the world with assignments.
Was very vague but she just stood that with so much compassion in her eyes, that I felt that she was going to cry on my behalf. =p


Reminders:
I must remember to pray for people when I say I will.

ANd my roommate left me a note on my table.
We communicate through my blog. Lol. Haha.
We're LAME. Yes I am goin to melb on the same day as you guys. =)


SIgh, poor time management catching up on me.
Going to go do my assignment real soon.
Off to the library. SIgh...........
gotta do work gotta do work..

People generally work less effectively when they're unhappy. ( or something to that effect)

- Sandra Capra

So what if you've made a mistake, move on with it I say.

- Surinder Baines.

Surinder is officially my new hero.

I hope I'm making the right decisions.




Please pray people who are reading this. (Especially you at home.=p)




Melbourne, in 2 weeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkkkssssssss!
Far far away from Newcastle for 10 days!



Wippeeeeeee.


Who's in melbourne who wants to bring me out???

I need to do work.

Focus focus focus.

My brain seems not to be functioning.
Work work work work!

PULLING BACK

Now I wish i could put my hand into cyber space
And extract that which I sent out yesterday.

I say perfection is overrated but I want perfection.

Am I just trying to deceive myself into thinking that perfection is attainable on my own?
Or am I just making excuses for my imperfection?
I've always been attracted to the idea of perfection. (But I'm not a perfectionist though)


Mainly because I am imperfect no matter how much I wish I weren't.

My uni work has been so bad it's not funny. Let's not talk about perfection here.
It's just been below AVERAGE.
My work shall not be below average anymore. Wasting too much time.
My serving in FOCUS shall not be below average anymore.

I'm just too self centred all the time, thank God it's coming back to me.
I need to call home more.
I need to make calls that i've promised to make.
I need to produce work that is good.
I need to sleep well and exercise more.


Thank God that love is perfect isn't it? ( no, not BGR love)
Agape love.

I think that's why I'm a Christian. I'm imperfect.
And I can't help myself.
I really can't.

HAPPY NATIONAL DAY

I think I need gentle reminders to love others more.

So preoccupied with myself and studies and....stuff.

Sigh. God, I wish you would hit me with Your staff sometimes. Or with a lightning bolt.

Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowlinees of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.
Phil 2 : 3-4

Went grocery shopping after printing my lousy assignment.

So many people around.

I think thursday night is the most happening night in newcastle.

Merdeka dinner tonight! =)

Btw, happy national day people.

DISTRACTED

I'm sick of Harold.
lalalalala.
i want to go to charlestown.
i want Boost juice too.

have been too distracted recently.

okay. back to Harold and his intolerances and GI symptoms.

ps : i didn't realise i was double posting in multiply.

how do i stop it?

UMBRELLA

You had my heart,
We'd never be a world apart,
may be in magazines
but you'd still be my star

baby cos in the dark,
who can see shiny cars
that when you need me there
with you I'll always share

because

when the sun shine we'll shine together
told you i'll be here forever
said i'd always be your friend
took an oath i'm gonna stick it out through the end

now that it's raining more than ever
told you we'd still love each other
you can stand under my umbrella

together we'll mend your heart

You can run into my arms
that's okay don't be alarmed
come into me, there's no distance in between our love

It's raining, oh baby it's raining

Can I even be that strong?
I'm scared.
Oh God, I was so sure. I knew I wanted it.

What happened?
I'm scared.


when the sun shine we'll shine together
told you i'll be here forever
said i'd always be your friend
took an oath i'm gonna stick it out through the end

now that it's raining more than ever
told you we'd still love each other
you can stand under my umbrella

there's no space for weakness now.
not for me.
and especially not for you.

INJECTIONS DON'T SCARE ME

Just got my cervical cancer vaccination.
Heard that it was really painful prior to getting the jab.
And it was.

I got a free meningococcal one at the same time. Apparently they're giving it free with the cervical one. So two in one day.

But after the jab.. got lollies and him waiting. =)

Back to nutrition assignment.

MY SATURDAY

Maybe I should blog about my day.

My blog these days not very 'reader friendly'.

Yesterday was a good day I guess.

Library- jesmond ( pressie/grocery shopping)- library- kfc dinner- chilling- phone call- long chat

Not very exciting huh my life. Maybe that's why I don't blog about my day.

the long chat was good. many things he said i agreed with. i'm glad he put so much thought into it. and even though i wasn't prepared to say much, i'm glad there was mutual understanding. caught me a bit off guard because usually i initiate conversations like that. looks like the roles have been flipped. i guess there's no reason to be distracted now. =)

yeah...you talk waaaaaaaay to much now. =p just kidding lar. hehe.

phone call was a bit upsetting. there's nothing i can do. not in the position to give anymore advice. to either party. i'll only make things worse. can only lend a listening ear. suddenly thought of active listening which we learnt. maybe sometimes people need somewhere to unleash everything insted of solutions or advice.

library was good. i spoiled the computer i was using. or as jun shi put it ' i jinxed it'. well, wasn't in the mood to do much studying after that ( excuses!!!)

btw, I'm not very happy with wordpress.

don't know how to edit template, don't know how to edit word size and colour.

and I want a CHAT BOX.

i will probably be going back to blogger. haha. i think everyone should stop bothering to link me unless you never changed the link in the 1st place. (now i wish i didn't delete my blogger. i don't know how to transfer everything back there.)

Am currently listening to

Fergie : big girls don't cry.

I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry

and

Mandy Moore's cover of Umbrella ( inspired by tinki talks, i totally get what she says about Rihanna's version being tacky)

When the sun shines
We’ll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be your friend
Took an oath
I'mma stick it out 'till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we still have each other
You can stand under my Umbrella

And that's when you need me there
With you I'll always share

Together we'll mend your heart

You can run into my arms
It's okay don't be alarmed
(Come into Me)
(There's no distance in between our love)
So Gonna let the rain pour
I'll be all you need and more